Deviant Child I

As a child I was very compliant. Most of the time I felt guilty for thinking about doing something I shouldn’t, less likely actual doing it. It is a rare memory when I remember being deviant with intention. There are occasions that come to mind when I think of being deviant.

First, when I was three years old I was in pre-school. Being an artist today, I can see why at three years old I was a proficient colorer. I would carefully stay in the lines with my beautiful bright crayolas. However, on one morning I remember a desire to go faster and break the lines drawn before me. I did the unthinkable, I scribbled all over the page. As I recall it, I used big fast circular motions. Well, as you can imagine, that did not bode well with my classmates. One of whom ratted me out to the teacher. The teacher, without a second thought, reminded me that I had skill to color in the line and I shouldn’t scribble again. Today, I realize what a profound early memory in my life. A simple statement that I was to stay in the lines, or stay in the boundaries. I shouldn’t deviate from the picture that was drawn for me. I was to become a “docile” citizen. Interesting...

❑ read for more information on the “docile” citizen: “Discipline and Punish, the Birth of the Prison” by Michael Foucault

The Angry Worker

As I look at life, I have realized that there are two types of people in the work world. There are lovers, and there are narcissist. What is a lover? This person really empathizes with the people around him. He has bad days and good days, but in general he is a kind person. He seeks to do a good job and work well with the people around him. In contrast, the narcissist is very different. This person is seeking after his own good at all expenses. This could mean sucking up to the boss, or it could mean that he will degrade the people around him for his own benefit. This person blames others for everything that goes wrong, and takes the credit for everything that goes right.

The point of confusion:
When a lover has so many bad experiences, or such a hard life, that he starts to appear as a narcissist. If you are close to this person you can tell the difference, but if not it is difficult to disseminate between the two.

...for me, I want to believe that no one is a narcissist. I want to find an “out” for the person who is an “B-hole” (that is butt-hole for those who don’t know the phrase). I want to find the bad experience that justifies the bad behavior and give the person a break. At the same time, I am a Realist. And as Machiavelli would say, the prince makes all his choices -kind or unkind- for his own benefit. However, my dear professor Pengree taught me that I could be an optimistic Realist, and have hope in humanity. Maybe that is why I love Jesus.

❑ For future reading: “Good to Great” by Jim Collins
❑ The phycologist definition of narcissism per my mac dictionary:
extreme selfishness with grandiose ideas of one’s own talents and craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.